Matt Drudge. The man, himself.

There are tiny little things that bug me about Drudge, and there are huge, gigantic, amazingly annoying things that Drudge has cornered the market with that drive me up a wall. The first of which is his writing style, which will make anyone who graduated from high school --- or even got a GED --- tear out their own hair in frustration. Let’s take a look at a few choice Drudge sentences:

Federal Communications Commission Chairman Michael Powell considered holding a dramatic license revocation hearing against CBS after last week’s Super Bowl breast mess, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned.

You have to question anything that Drudge has “learned”, and then uses a 3rd-person stance which is usually carried in the way of “...the DRUDGE REPORT has learned...” at the end of the boiler plate. First of all, not to spill the beans, but Matt Drudge isn’t a journalist. He’s not a wire service. If Matt Drudge were in the blog world, he would be severely disliked because he would be that one guy who steals other peoples blog posts and claims them to be his own. Let me explain how Drudge gets these “scoops” he holds so dearly:

- He subscribes to e-mail lists
- He bugs interns and other low-level or entry-level players in news room and seeks “chatter.”
- He throws a hyperlink onto his front page that is filled with talking-points, and then goes back later to change it when the real facts come out, still claiming an “exclusive.” Kevin at Wizbang has taken note of this exact same thing, and provides complete details about it after Drudge splashed the story about the Newsweek/Koran/toilet situation.

Since Matt has a history being first with the story, but often seriously off the mark (with a penchant for revisionism thrown in), it seemed appropriate to capture for posterity his “exclusive” claims. I’ve boiled them down to these five:

1. A Newsweek executive claims an emotional Isikoff offered to resign from the magazine over the weekend, in a gesture to cool off the international situation.

2. Newsweek’s editors are standing firm behind reporter Michael Isikoff.

3. Newsweek’s top executives are standing behind reporter Michael Isikoff, though a little less firmly.

4. A Newsweek source says, “Mike was told he would not be sacrificed, we are standing behind him 100%,

5. White House staffers suspect Isikoff’s source for the Quran report was from congress, not from the administration.

The second annoyance that is worthy of note is Drudge’s complete lack of regard for the use of his Caps Lock key and his space bar. A great example of this is Matt’s report about Ozzy Osborne’s appearance at the White House.

When White House key adviser Karl Rove made his entrance into the ballroom at the Hilton Hotel, few noticed.

But when gothmetalrockerTVstar Ozzy Osbourne made his: Flash bulbs and pandemonium.

Ozzy, who was guest of freshly-healed Greta Van Susteren of the FOX NEWS CHANNEL, parted the A-list sea as his security shouted, “Move the f#@k out of the way” to black-tied invited dignitaries, like senators, congressmen and cabinet officials.

A day in the life, The Osbournes Go to Washington, a VIACOMMTV crew captured Ozzy from limousine ride to grand entrance. The dinner turned into nothing short of a studio backdrop, with VIACOMPARAMOUNT Sherry Lansing, who was just in from the coast [private jet] with NYDAILYNEWSSALON’S Arianna Huffington smiled and synergied while talking with FATAL ATTRACTION’S Glenn Close, and Wolf Blitzer.

Now, I might miss a few, but I believe I count four instances of Matt forgetting to turn-off his Caps Lock key, and forgetting to press the space bar to separate key words and phrases. Those are:

1. gothmetalrockerTVstar
2. VIACOMMTV
3. VIACOMPARAMOUNT
4. NYDAILYNEWSSALON

If you scroll down further in the report, you’ll see a few more cases of Matt’s infamous CAPSLOCKSPACEBARSHIFTKEY-itis, including “CNNDNC,” “AOLTIMEWARNER,” and “NEWSCORP.” For this, I have some great advice for Matt, courtesy of Maddox:

To quote Maddox, “That’s the distance you’d have to move your pinky in order to not sound like an idiot.” It’s true. While Drudge thinks he is not only the most professional, but also the most powerful source of news on the planet, the lack of proper use of the English language makes it look like he should head back to CBS and ask if he can get his job in the gift store back.