Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The Signs on the Side of the Road
Ain’t nothing a good shot of whiskey can’t handle!
Around a week ago my current partner found out that the girl he had been dating for a few months has been double-timing him and seeing another guy on the side. I told him that’s what happens to guys like us with badges and horrible schedules – our chicks leave us and find someone who can pay attention to them. Being on the receiving end of a situation like that more times than I care to admit, I went over the tell-tale signs that no cop see’s until it’s too late. As I went through the signs, I realized that I could probably become a billionaire by writing a book about this stuff and saving guys a lot of time and headaches --- not to mention the cost of alcohol spent on getting these dames off of our minds. Instead of going through all that, I figured it would be better to just post it on my awesome blog for the world to see for free.
These are the top three warning signs that you need to get rid of your gal and move on. Most of this is cop-specific. I know that a lot of my fellow coppers read this blog, and I really appreciate it. Hopefully this will save a few of you guys from tossing back a shot of your favorite alcohol and saying “… eh ... screw it. There are better chicks out there, anyway.” If you’re not a cop, most of this stuff might seem kind of cynical and anti-woman. Welcome to our world.
1. Your gal doesn’t pick up her phone after 5:00 PM. Alright, I can’t stress this point enough. If you’ve been dating someone for at least a little bit and they stop answering your calls after 5:00 PM, especially if you work a PM or late afternoon shift, there’s a good chance she found someone new. We get used to having our schedules that go from 2 PM – 10 PM, or something similar. For us it’s normal. That’s when the bad guys are out, and that’s when we get our best work done. Unfortunately that’s when everyone else is winding down their day. If she’s not picking up the phone after 5:00 PM, she’s either talking to someone else or kicking-back with someone else who has more than five minutes to chat with her. Time to move on, dude.
2. She’s spending a lot of time with her family. Women go into relationships using the excuse of “spending time with their family” just in case they need to drop you like a bad habit, and they also use it when they’re in a relationship with you and they’re thinking about stepping out. You’re a jerk if you take it personal that they’re want to spend time with their sister or their mom, and they know this. If you notice they’re spending a few too many weekends with the “family” or there are a few late nights (or unanswered phone calls) during that time period that they’re spending time with their “family,” it’s time to pack her stuff for her and move onto the next gal.
3. Her house isn’t a good place to go anymore. Unless you’re dating a gal you met while serving a gang injunction in Compton, she won’t mind that you want to spend time at either your place or hers. If she’s turning sketchy and wants to spend more time at your place, or just wants to go to grab a bite to eat (or something of the like) and then go home --- and definitely not to her place --- then she definitely has something going on on the side. Save yourself from that morning hangover and drop her like a bad habit.
Most of this is common sense, but I had to go through a few bad dating episodes before it finally kicked in. The bottom line is that you have to use your good senses as a cop in your relationship as much as you use it on the job. Don’t let those skills go to waste. If you think someone bad is going on, and you’re getting that same gut-feeling that we all get when we’re going into a crappy situation (think: felony traffic stop in Lynwood with five Southsider gangsters in the car and your closest radio car is two minutes out), then back-off and reevaluate. There are a lot of great women in the world, and there’s no sense in wasting your time or hers if things are going sideways.
I forgot to mention the good part. When you’re in a relationship, your job comes second. For most people that’s a fact of life, but most people aren’t out there busting their chops trying to fight bad guys all over the place. Our job comes first. Everyone had the thought run through their mind about slowing down, moving to another shift, picking up a detective spot in petty crimes, or something that definitely isn’t what you signed up for. When you’re single, all of that goes out the door, and you can continue your career of hooking-and-booking, which is exactly what we all signed up for.
So think about it, and watch for the signs! And of course, you can always shoot me an e-mail at helo(at)drumwaster(dot)com if you need a second opinion. I got your back!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Gonna take a few days
And hit up Vegas. We’ll be back Thursday, and my birthday follows next Friday. Take the money you would have spent on my present and send it - anonymously - to your favorite charity. No fanfare, no receipt, no tax deductions. The only ones who get to know what you did is you and your Diety.
Just because. (Trust me, the Diety will be at least mildly impressed.)
In other news, I sent off yet another year’s rent on this site, so I’ll be here pissing you off for at least another year.
Breaking News
Mary Jo Kopechne jumps to her feet and eagerly rushes towards the Pearly Gates, just to be the first to point and laugh at Teddy the Swimmer as he is denied entrance.
Teddy Kennedy (D-Inebriation) is rushed to the hospital with stroke-like symptoms, and Susan Estrich is quick to start the eulogizing.
Well, one good thing - if he survives and only loses a major portion of his cognitive function, he’ll still be eligible to hold his Senate seat. After all, Tim Johnson (D-SD) proved that even a breathing vegetable can be a sitting Democratic Senator. (cv Robert Byrd, Harry Reid)
UPDATE: It appears as though he might pull through. I will consider it a “mission kill” if he retires from public life, so that he can’t do any more damage to our country. And who knows? Maybe he will take the remaining days of his life and look for redemption and sincere repentance.
Anything is possible.
Friday, May 16, 2008
In yet another example
of ”What Liberal Media?”, the Editor of the Seattle Times lashes out in defense of Obama.
See, President Bush gave a speech the other day while he was in the Middle East, and he pointed out the inherent idiocy of attempting to appease despots and maniacs. The Media instantly sprang to the attack, with the local NBC affiliate accusing the President of (snort, guffaw) “playing politics”. (First, what is the titular leader of his political party going to be doing for his day-to-day job besides doing political things? And second, what is Obama doing, playing a nice game of tiddly-winks?)
But this moron takes the idiocy to news heights: ”Hitler’s Demands Weren’t Unreasonable”.
Of course, he has since “amended” his statements, trying to keep people from “misinterpreting” him.
As though that statement needed any parsing.
Can’t get the People to agree with you?
Easy solution: find a friendly judge!
Even if you can’t manage to persuade the minimum number necessary to get your policies inculcated into legislation (50%+1 for vox populi Initiatives, or a majority of the Legislature and the Governor), that’s perfectly okay because all you need to do is find a judge that agrees with you and, voila!
You overturn the clear will of 61% of the people.
What could be easier?
Yesterday, a judicial panel of seven judges voted 4-3 to ignore the definition of marriage given in existing black-letter law by finding a “fundamental right” that has gone hitherto unnoticed for a century and a half. The last time this issue came up was Proposition 22, which passed by more than 20 points (61-39), yet those unelected judges ignore that to create a “compelling state interest” in gay marriage. (Which neatly sidesteps the utter lack of legal precedent, as well as the need to actually have any written laws supporting the judges as they attempt to arrive at their various decisions.)
Funny… wouldn’t there be a “compelling state interest” in one man-one woman marriages? After all, that is proven to be the most stable form of family, as well as being self-sufficient in creating future generations (something same-sex couples simply cannot do).
That ticking sound is becoming louder.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Straight to the Slammer
Eww!
This guy wouldn’t be around to face a trial, because I would have enjoyed taking his last breath if he did this to me.
An HIV-positive man convicted of spitting into the eye and mouth of a Dallas police officer has been sentenced to 35 years in prison.
Because a jury found that Willie Campbell used his saliva as a deadly weapon, the 42-year-old will have to serve half his sentence before becoming eligible for parole. He was sentenced Wednesday.
Campbell was being arrested in May 2006 for public intoxication when he began resisting and kicking inside the patrol car, Dallas police office Dan Waller testified.
Campbell was convicted of harassment of a public servant.
We have to deal with enough bad stuff on a daily basis. Dodging bullets and drop-kicking guys with knives is bad enough, but the last thing I want to do is worry about some jerk with HIV/AIDS giving me his filthy disease just because he wants to spit on me. I hope this guys enjoys spending the rest of his natural life in prison.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I lost track
Of how many different cross-generational relations there are in our family.
There are:
- 1 Great-Grandmother
- 2 Grandmothers
- 5 Mothers
- 7 Sisters
- 8 Daughters
- 7 Granddaughters, and
- 4 Great-Granddaughters
And that doesn’t include any of the in-laws. Or anyone who is no longer with us on this mortal coil…
Love your Mothers, people. You won’t have them forever.
{I miss you, Mom.}
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Fucking Unions
A few hundred years ago, unions may have (I emphasize, MAY HAVE) done beneficial things on behalf of the employee.
Since that time, though, they have become nothing more than corrupt methods for organized thugs to get paid for doing nothing but leeching from an economic system that would be performing much better without the drag chute of work disruptions.
Simple economic fact, folks: the market for unskilled labor will ALWAYS pay less than the market for skilled and trained labor. Why? Because you can hire anyone to push a broom and be assured that the job will be done adequately, but you cannot hire some Joe Stumblebum off the street to run a company successfully (id est, to show a profit under rapidly changing market conditions).
One story on the morning news out of L.A. is a group of janitors from their Union out protesting and on strike for more pay. What are they thinking? They are JANITORS - the indoor equivalent of ditch diggers. If they want more money, then I have a suggestion: GET A BETTER JOB. Get that diploma. Get some college courses under your belt. Get some job experience. Learn a trade that is more important to the economy than pushing a mop around a tile floor, and you will make more money.
That is how our system works. I started out working as a newspaper delivery boy. I stepped up to grocery bagger at the local Albertson’s, then to retail sales at the mall. I worked hard, kept my eyes open and my mouth shut, and “et what was give me”. I strove to be more valuable to my employer than the weekly cost of my paycheck cost him, because that is how one gains job security. With every job I had (and I went through a whole bunch of them), I learned something that would help me in future jobs. Now I run my own business (and not too shabbily, if I may say so myself), and have to measure the work of others.
The employers who are currently suffering without janitors for a few days ought to fire the lot, and hire the first group of people to apply as replacements.
Like I said, there isn’t a whole lot you need to know to be a janitor. Even I could do it.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Real American Hero
No, this isn’t a beer commercial. This is about the kind of split-second thinking and fast action that saves lives; the kind that defines true selflessness and bravery in the face of one’s own imminent peril.
I can say no more about this man, since no words of mine will do him more honor than he has done himself.
With an out-of-control car bearing down, Joseph Richardson grabbed his 4-year-old daughter and held her up out of harm’s way.
It was his last act—and one that apparently saved his daughter’s life.
Richardson, a 39-year-old father of three, was killed Monday evening by the car, driven by a man who police say was drunk.
The car pinned Richardson and his daughter Kaniyah against a wrought iron fence at 95th Street and Wentworth, police said.
Kaniyah survived and was listed in critical but stable condition Tuesday evening at Comer Children’s Hospital, where a spokeswoman said she was doing well.
Nothing more needs to be said. Except for this:
The driver of the car, Angelo Thomas, 32, ... was charged with two felony counts of aggravated driving under the influence, police said. He was also cited with driving without a valid license or insurance.
I’m sure a Felony Murder charge isn’t out of the question under these circumstances. Our prayers are with Mr. Richardson’s friends and family in these devastating times.
(h/t The Line Is Here)
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I just sent Fox News a question….
Here’s what I sent:
With the war in Iraq going well, McCain has not separated himself from that part of the Bush Presidency….in fact, he’s said that he’s an architect of the ‘Surge’. What other parts of the Bush terms (for example, the tax cuts) will he also carry with him into the campaign? And, with the weakness of the Democrats in Congress (Pelosi, Reid, etc.), will Clinton or Obama need to distance themselves from them?
Sincerely,
John
Columbus, Ohio
Drumwaster,com
It’s part of a larger conversation they are having about McCain trying to separate himself from GWB....you can go to Fox News and catch Shep Smith and the Gang dissecting the last of the big Tuesday primaries.
I submitted the question at 8:05 PM
Update (8:24): Fox said CBS called Indiana for Hillary...she’s ahead by 11 with 41% counted, so that’s probably a pretty safe bet. She’s getting doubled-up in North Carolina right now, but that’s not necessarily a surprise, is it? Is it also a big surprise that 20-50 year old African-Americans aren’t put off by Wright?
Update (8:47): No answer to my erudite question as of yet. Surprise that Shep Smith said Iraq is going poorly. What?
Monday, May 05, 2008
Three weeks warning
Three weeks from today marks the beginning of this year’s Patriot’s Journey. As always, the only requirement to participate is post one positive thing on your blog about the United States or her citizens every day from Memorial Day to Independence Day (this year, that will be from May 25 to July 4 - a total of 41 days). Participation is entirely voluntary.
If you wish to join in, just drop a note to me via e-mail or post a comment, and you should include your site’s URL, so that we can get the list distributed to all parties before we kick it off this year.
If you spread the word, maybe we can get more than a handful of participants.
But, in any case, this is your official notification.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
In your own humble opinion
What would you say is the greatest single achievement of Mankind? The Great Wall of China? The Internet? The Printing Press? Philosophy? The ability to laugh at ourselves? Democracy? Landing on the moon? Mathematics? The Golden Rule?
Conversely, how about the most embarrassing? Religious warfare? Pee Wee Herman? ”Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”? Recycling? Politics?
In yet another part of our ongoing series about pointless information, I can tell you one thing that has happened in the universe that would never have happened without our intervention - refrigeration. Before humanity came along, there was nothing in the universe that was colder than the temperature of the Cosmic Microwave Background (CMB) - at about 2.7 degrees Kelvin (-454.81 Fahrenheit). We have managed to lower temperatures under lab conditions at MIT to about one-half of one billionth of a degree (0.5 nanoKelvin/500 picoKelvin) above Absolute Zero.
Trust me, that’s cooooooold.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
More thought provocation
Imagine, if you will, a time and place where you are considered famous for one reason or another.
(Okay, for a good reason - something you can brag about at your school reunion, rather than trying to live it down. Be happy I gave you that much. While infamy isn’t as good as fame, it’s heaps better than obscurity, and this is my scenario.)
Imagine that someone made a museum showcase about your life. Something along the lines of a Presidential Library, with photos, letters, journals, detailed information about your life, the whole kit, including the caboodle.
What would you want them to prominently display?
What would you want them to bury in the National Archives with a “Do Not Open Until Xmas 3008” label?
Share your good stuff with us. “Joy shared is doubled; sorrow shared is halved.”