Saturday, May 17, 2008

Breaking News

Mary Jo Kopechne jumps to her feet and eagerly rushes towards the Pearly Gates, just to be the first to point and laugh at Teddy the Swimmer as he is denied entrance.

Teddy Kennedy (D-Inebriation) is rushed to the hospital with stroke-like symptoms, and Susan Estrich is quick to start the eulogizing.

Well, one good thing - if he survives and only loses a major portion of his cognitive function, he’ll still be eligible to hold his Senate seat. After all, Tim Johnson (D-SD) proved that even a breathing vegetable can be a sitting Democratic Senator. (cv Robert Byrd, Harry Reid)

UPDATE: It appears as though he might pull through. I will consider it a “mission kill” if he retires from public life, so that he can’t do any more damage to our country. And who knows? Maybe he will take the remaining days of his life and look for redemption and sincere repentance.

Anything is possible.